All I have to say is... What was I thinking??? I had NO idea that I was this big! And what in the heck was I smiling about??? Did I not see the camera pointed at me???
I am freaking out! I think I have the opposite body image than most anorexics have. I seriously had no idea how big I was (strike that.... AM)! Sure, I can look at a scale. But it does not translate in my mind! Recently, I cut my finger real bad and had to go to an urgent care clinic. I had to fill out tons of paperwork about my health. I had to check medical issues that I was dealing with or had dealt with in the past. I came to Obesity. Did I check that box? Of course not! I thought about it. And decided that I was chubby, not obese! I even thought about the fact that when I look at my height and weight on a chart and it says obese. Well, it must not be taking into account that I have BIG bones! My mom worked hard to raise with me with a good self esteem. I guess it worked! Maybe a little too well!
I think part of my lifestyle change is going to have to include taking photos and looking at myself every 3 months or so. I also am going to have to weigh myself every couple of weeks or so after I reach my goal. I probably need to pray and ask God to make me aware of what I am doing to my body when I am this overweight. In so many ways, I have felt invincible most of my life. I am also a pro at rationalizing. Come on.... Look at the pics... I'm chubby???? NOT! That last pic of me from behind needs a WIDE LOAD sign across my rear!
It's a fact. I am fat. I am obese. I can handle that.
The good thing is that I know I won't be obese a year from now. I even know that I will look much better than I do right now when summer comes.
Starving! Going to eat something... sensible!
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